When I Sleep
by domslove
Summary: a few weeks after the battle in LA, Buffy gets a letter. BA. post ChosenNFA. does not follow comic book story lines. one shot. slightly angsty


**Title:** When I Sleep

**Author:** Domslove

**Distribution:** ask please!

**Disclaimer:** Not mine

**Notes:** **1.** just a little ficlet that I'm writing till my TP and HP muses decided to come back to me, post Chosen and post NFA, not comic book friendly **2.** might be a one-shot, might not be…let me know..PLEASE??

xoxoxo

A letter. She was staring at a teenage boy, who was offering her a letter from his father. From _her_ Angel.

The small woman took the envelope with trembling hands and retreated to her room.

Don't stake the messenger.

If this….paper was going to say what she thought it did then she should not be around the messenger right now.

xoxoxo

"What happened?" a worried friend asked.

"He asked me to give it to her if I didn't see or hear from him in two days," came the reply.

"Two days? Surely there's a-"It's been a week," the teen interrupted, "I've thought that to. So I went and found….well, I put it in the envelope."

xoxoxo

The woman opened the large envelope and carefully pulled out a string with two rings. _Their claddagh rings_.

A note was attached:

In an elegant scrawl, much like his father's own, Connor had written simply: _he was wearing the larger one. _

That alone brought tears to the Slayer's eyes.

"No. Oh God please no," she whispered, slowly pulling out an another envelope with her name written in his handwriting across the front.

And slowly she began to read his last letter to her.

_Buffy,_

_The words I want to say can't be put in a simple letter. But I can't call you. There isn't time. _

_I love you. Only you. Remember that. No matter what it may have seemed like to you, every other woman in my life were my feeble attempts to move on. And none of them worked because I am wholly and irreversibly yours._

_You are probably angry that I didn't include you in the battle. I couldn't. Why? Because I can't risk losing you too. And I'm going to need you and the rest of the Slayers to be LA's second front._

_Please don't be angry with me. I'm doing what I think is bes­­t. _

_I'm not evil. I'm not _him_. I took over Wolfram and Hart to destroy it from the inside and I joined the Circle of the Black Thorne for the same reasons. _

_Andrew said you didn't trust me, and I want you to know I don't believe him._

_I love you and I hate writing this letter. I wish I didn't have to. I wish I didn't half to say goodbye. And I wish, well, a lot of things. But most of all I wish I could be selfish and leave LA to fend for itself. But I can't._

_This isn't a goodbye. I will see you again. The Powers owe us another chance, be it this life, or in the next._

_I don't think I'll go to Hell. I've done good work in this life and the Powers know that. I want you to know that, even in death, I will still be watching over you. I'll be your guardian angel (go ahead and laugh…that was cheesy)._

_I want you to live and I want you to be happy. Grow old for me darling. Find someone who cares for you and get married. Start a family. I'll watch out for them too. Please, try to watch out for Connor. He'll need you. And I've always thought of him as _ours

_I started writing this letter as a goodbye. And if you're reading this, I probably am dust. But I want you to know that ever since the Whistler showed me you outside of Hemry, you've been the first thing I've thought about when I wake up, and the last thing I've thought about when I go to sleep (laugh again…it was cheesy). I want you to know that it's you I'll be thinking about when I start (and hopefully end) this war. And that I'll be fighting like hell to come back to you. I love you and I'm not going to let something as insignificant as death separate us._

_Love,_

_your Angel _

Buffy let his letter drop by her side and let her tears flow. She was finally cookies and he was dust.

"I HATE YOU!" she screamed, dropping to her knees, "WHY DID YOU HAVE TO TAKE HIM FROM ME? BRING HIM BACK! Bring him back!"

xoxoxo

_When I see your smile,  
Tears run down my face.  
I can't replace.  
And now that I'm strong, I have figured out,  
How this world turns cold and it breaks through my soul.  
And I know I'll find deep inside me,  
I can be the one. _

I will never let you fall. (let you fall.)  
I'll stand up with you forever.  
I'll be there for you through it all. (through it all.)  
Even if saving you sends me to heaven. 

(lyrics courtesy of The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus-"Your Guardian Angel")


End file.
